grangparents can help a lot

Don’t refuse help – don’t take all for your self

When baby comes into this World, there is everything new for him – temperature is different, light is different, food is different, also space is much more. This will take some time for him, but not only for baby, also for parents, especially new mother, as they also have new life. Nothing will be as before, you have baby on hands, you have responsibility for little human you hold, and you will need to learn a lot, and those new things can stress mums, they can make mum feel lost.

Stay alone with newborn baby

When your husband needs to go back to work and leave you alone with the baby-the fun (or not fun) just starts. You need to take care of the baby all by yourself.  Alone.  It seems hard in the beginning; you don’t have time for anything!  You still don’t understand what exactly your baby needs in certain situations, you still feel weak yourself as well, you forget to eat, drink and sometimes change your pajamas–and all that is just normal!

After some time, you are still tired, overworked and don’t have enough time, but it becomes easier.  And here it all starts. Seems that all is OK; you can handle all. You try to do the best for your baby, go out with him, carrying stroller out and in, you feed baby, put him sleep, play with him and so on and in the same time, you do cleaning, laundry, cook and all the other housework. You feel very tired – which is normal (some people say that staying home with a baby is the same as working 2.5 full time jobs).

One small remark out of topic – don’t try to be perfect in everything! For instance, I prefer to be with kids and place their needs first, then take care of my needs, and only after I clean house, make a laundry or cook. ONLY THEN! And I don’t feel guilty for that! I am not a super hero, or super woman!

You need help

You could say –

I don’t NEED help!

I don’t WANT help!

I can do it all by myself!

Of course you can, you are a mother, you are strong! But you don’t have to! Please understand that!

If someone – mother, mother-in-law, neighbor or friend offers you help – don’t refuse that!

If you accept help from anyone, it doesn’t mean you are a bad mother or weak! If a friend is offering to stay with your baby while she is sleeping and you need go out–let her. You can have a nap at that time, shower, or if you don’t feel it’s right, you can clean house during that time without stress. (But I would advise use that time for yourself). If you are looking for simply things to be happy, please check my another post HERE

Also, if Your mum or mother-in-law offers help to do some housework, don’t say no, immediately! She is also mother, she understands how hard it is with a newborn. You can stay with baby, while she helps you with home and it is just fine!

 

Why am I writing all that?

Did you hear something about Postpartum Depression? This is not something that will never happen with you. I won’t count the symptoms here, but if you want to read them, check the source here. When I heard about it first time, I didn’t even take it serious, but it is more than serious. Even more, my attitude was “Don’t think about that and it won’t happen to you”.   I am lucky – I have some symptoms, but I handled everything by myself, even without help, but not all are so lucky! So please read source I mentioned, or any other – as there is a great deal of information regarding Postpartum Depression.

I refused any help I was offered, and now I am sorry for that. My mother-in-law told me, I can come to you and help you with the baby, I said what can you do? how can you help me? will you feed him? will you calm him, when he needs just me? I felt about that like “does she think I can’t do it all myself??” I refused any help and tried to be good mother, good wife, good housekeeper and cook in one. Was I?  Definitely no. Tired, sleepy, unhappy. . .who won from that situation? ME? – no! My Son Robert? – No! My husband? – No! Anyone? – NO!

Now, with second baby, I don’t just accept ANY help, but also not shy to ask or even demand it! And I found out that people around me help with pleasure. My mum and my second mum (mother-in-law) are so happy to be useful and spend time with their grandsons, take care of them, and I can relax or do my things. And there is nothing bad about you sharing the responsibility.

Also our parents are ready to come and help with whatever it takes. Once me and my hubby were so sick, that we couldn’t bring our oldest one to the kindergarden. It is logical, that with one baby at home would be much easier, but we were so sick, that neither of us risked driving.  My father called that same day, and I told him that we were both sick. and you know what? he came  to visit us in the same evening and stayed during the night, in the morning made a breakfast for us and Robert, and drove him to kindergarden (my parents live 180 km from us) and then left for his work. Simply TAKE HELP!

If Your husband does not help you, Ask him to do that, as it is his responsibility as well. I heard so often – oh.. I am so tired as I woke up to my baby 20 times per night, and no one can help me. Why ?? Are you alone? No Your husband is also home and sleeping in the same room as you. Oh yes, but he needs to go to work in the morning, he need to sleep. Ufff.. And what about you? Don’t you have to take care of your baby during the day? Isn’t it work as well??  You are lucky if you can have a nap, while your baby has a nap, but for instance, I couldn’t sleep in the day time (never could).

So, with first son, my husband was waking up each time, when Robert cried, and only when dummy or “tsh-tsh-tsh” didn’t work, he gave Robert to me, to feed, and wait while he eats, to put him back to bed. OK, I am super lucky and I have great husband and I know that not all men are like that, which is just normal. The point is – ASK, if he doesn’t help you, ASK!

If you feel tired, sleepy – ASK your husband for help!

Being tired and sleepy is not a big deal?

When you are tired constantly all the time

  • you can become absent-minded, you forget some things, you don’t do some things
  • Your body is exhausted, you can start having health problems and get ill easily (imagine, you are ill but you still need to take care for your little one)
  • you can become nervous and impatient to your baby or to your husband or anyone around you, but the worst is to get angry and impatient to your little one. And don’t say, it will never happen. I would say – better think how to get rest and sleep a bit more!
  • if you are tired, nervous, stressful, it can affect your breast milk and it can reduce (which, if you are breastfeeding, your baby won’t want it)
  • If you are stressful and nervous, your baby feels that, and he can become stressed as well.

So, it IS BIG DEAL!!!

Conclusion

I don’t want lecture You, and You know yourself better, I just want to give advise based on my experience, and what I see around me.

To make short, what I wrote before

  1. If someone offers help – take it!
  2. If no one offers help – ask for it! You are not alone, and you will be surprised how many people will help

It is that simple. You are not alone on this Planet!

Hoping that anyone listened. Will be glad for your meaning, questions or thoughts in comments

Lana

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